13 essential tips to survive Indy Winterfest 2016

Alright friends and enemies, I’ve arranged below the essential checklist for prepping for a massive beer event like the upcoming Winterfest, taking place Saturday, January 30th at the Indiana State Fairgounds. My qualifications? I lived outside Munich so I know my way around a fest; I’m an Eagle Scout so I’m always prepared; and I’m a Fraternity man…that speaks for itself.

1. Transportation: Don’t drive if you’re drinking more than you should. A DUI can really F**k up your life or, worse, could end someone’s. Lyft is like $2/ mile. A DUI can be $1,200.

2. Hydration is Happiness Part 1: Physicians will tell you to hydrate heavy the night before but I also chug a PowerAde Zero in the car on the way to an event. “But Drew”, they say, “won’t that make you have to pee?” Sir or madam, you’re going to be peeing anyway.

3. Beware of Caffeine: it dehydrates you and makes you feel less drunk than you are.

4. Comfortable Shoes: Good luck finding the time or a place to sit. While I love stripper heels, this is not the place. Nothing wrong with Birkenstocks.

5. Cheap Bag: You’re probably going to get some swag that you don’t want to carry around all day. Get a bag to stuff it in. Make it a cheap one because you may set it down and never see it again. Or my old friend Fuzzy Slippers may puke in it; he’s done that.

6. Hydration is Happiness Part 2: a glass of water every hour on the hour. Trust me on this one. And, no, it’s not lame to drink water at beer fests.

7. Food: eat at least once

8. Wearing Lederhosen or a Dirndl: Do it. You’ll look like all that and a bag of chips.

10. Companion Part 2: Bring people who are easy to find. You’re GOING to get separated at some point. Don’t bring a “Don” who doesn’t answer his texts/calls, and is short so can’t be seen in a crowd. Tall people and responsive texters are a win.

11. Companion Part 3: If you find “true love” at one of these events don’t pull the trigger early. If they’re worth it they’ll appreciate your need to try that one Vanilla Porter from a brewery in the Region that you’ve had your eye on. ** A note of caution: if your able friend Drew says “maybe they’re not the one for you”, Drew’s actually saying “what are you thinking?”

12. Working the Space: there are 3 theories on how to work a big event. 1 is you start at the front and work your way around. This is what most people do and you’ll have to wait in long lines. I only suggest people do it…so I don’t have to deal with lines. 2 is you start at the back and work your way forward. This way you avoid all the dumb people who went with theory 1. And 3 is find you favorite breweries and hit them first. This is also wise because some of the best beers WILL run out.

13. Text control: Try not to text people who aren’t at the event. It makes them sad and you might
send bad stuff.

​That’s pretty much all I’ve got. If you have other tips please let me know. Prost!