Function Brewing’s Girl Scout Cookies Pairing The Right Match Of Malts & Sweets

I would like to shake the hand of the genius who launched the trend of pairing craft beer with Girl Scout cookies. Like most loyal readers of this site, I’m always looking for another excuse to drink beer. Not because I need an excuse, mind you, but because my wife is less likely to admonish me if I’m drinking for a good reason (apparently, “It’s after noon” is not good enough). And what better reason is there than supporting the future businesswomen of America? It’s practically my patriotic duty.

And so last Sunday my wife and I made our way over to Function Brewing in Bloomington to do our part in Making American Great Again. An enterprising Girl Scout had set up a table just outside Function.

“Would you like to buy some Girl Scout cookies?”

“We’re about to have some inside,” I replied.

“Okay, I’ll catch you on the way out, if not before,” was her cryptic response.

I don’t know why we were surprised that there was a wait to be seated. While we hovered around the bar and attempted to get a warm-up beer, I recounted my doomed attempt to join the Girl Scouts.

“Why would you want to be a Girl Scout?” my wife asked dubiously.

“All of the cutest girls in my school were Girl Scouts. It seemed like the perfect opportunity to spend time with them without the distraction of other boys.”

“I should know better than to encourage you, but what happened?”

I described for her in some detail how I borrowed my sister’s uniform, which was tight on my boyish figure but not in an unflattering way. I had a wig and glasses from the previous Halloween when I dressed up as an Avon lady (and helped my mother achieve her best monthly sales ever!). I checked myself in the mirror and had to admit that I was pretty hot in a nerdy way. I examined the badges on the sash, wondering if anyone would ask me how I earned them. I hoped they wouldn’t make me demonstrate my crocheting technique.

“Would you get on with it?” My wife doesn’t appreciate the little details that add verisimilitude to a tale.

“So I showed up at the meeting and was outed immediately. I think it was my five o’clock shadow. Did you know I started shaving when I was nine? You can’t hide that kind of virility.” My wife spotted some friends and wandered off before I could recount the history of hair growth on my young body. Luckily for us, our friends were about to be seated and invited us to join them.

Savannah Smiles paired with Fraction Session American Wheat
I have to say right up front that I’m not a fan of the American Wheat style unless it’s aggressively hopped. Nevertheless, the lemoniness of the Savannah Smiles provided a zesty citrus kick that really complemented the beer. If I carried a box around with me, I might order more American Wheats.

Do-Si-Dos (aka Peanut Butter Sandwhich Cookies) paired with Theorem Milk Stout
I was really hoping for a Tagalong-Theorem pairing as Tagalongs are my favorite Girl Scout cookie. Still, this was my favorite pairing of the day. The Theorem Milk Stout has a great balance of creaminess and roastiness that paired well with the oatmeal-peanut butter flavor of the Do-Si-Do. In retrospect, I should have tried dipping them.

Samoas (aka Carmel deLites) paired with Checksum Chai Brown
Samoas would probably be in the running for my favorite Girl Scout cookie if they didn’t add the damned coconut on top. Instead they are probably my least favorite. Similarly, the Checksum is fine for me in small amounts, but I’ve never ordered a pint of it. So this was a fail for me, but YMMV.

Thin Mints paired with Mean Imperial Stout
Thin Mints are right behind Tagalongs on my favorites list, but even the powerful mint flavor was no match for the alcohol strength of the Mean Imperial Stout. At somewhere between 8-9% ABV, it was too much for my wife, so I took one for the team and drank hers (but she kept her cookie).

As we exited Function, I imagined the Girl Scout lying in wait to pounce on us. Instead, she smiled sweetly, perhaps knowing that our appetites had been whetted and all she had to do was take our money. 

“Got any Tagalongs?” I asked. We walked away with two boxes, one of which joined the boxes of Girl Scout cookies already in the freezer at home. The other was paired with a growler of Theorem Milk Stout, together a perfect serving size.

Function Brewing is located at 108 E Sixth Street in Bloomington and is on the Web at www.functionbrewing.com.