Come On, Man: Cans Are Definitely Better Than Bottles

A few weeks back, my good friend and trusted colleague Donovan Wheeler wrote an op-ed defending bottles over cans as the superior craft beer delivery devices. Wheels is someone I genuinely look up to, as an incredibly hard worker, a gifted writer, and as a genuinely good person, which is why saying this next part is so hard for me.

Wheels: you couldn’t more wrong, my friend.

Cans are one of the hot trends in the craft beer scene now, and for a lot of really good reasons. What follows is a point-by-point rebuttal to Wheel’s notion that cans are the inferior containers for craft beer. Read, think, then join me on the Aluminium Side.

1. The Feel
Donovan thinks that bottles are superior to cans in part because they just feel better in your hand. There’s more surface to grab the bottle from, therefore it’s just “better.” Buddy, you can also hook your pinky finger under the bottom of the can. It’s not that hard. Also, holding a can is like holding a little barrel of beer with each drink. Who doesn’t want to feel like Andre the Giant while getting their drink on? Plus, disposing of cans can be fun! Want to impress your buddies or significant other? Just crush that bad boy against your head! You now have something that’s easily disposable without the hassle of picking up pieces of glass.

You can also toss beer cans to your buddies more easily. You’re the Andrew Luck of delivering alcohol to your friends! Try that with bottles and you could end up with a mess on your hands.

2. Contact
Donovan makes note that beer hits your mouth differently coming out of a bottle than it does a can, and that difference actually affects how that beer tastes. He’s actually 100% right in this: the order and manner in which we bite into or sip on our foods and drinks definitely affects how certain things taste. It’s why mayo belongs on the top of the sandwich and mustard on the bottom. That’s just science. But this is beer, people. If we wanted to extract the purest taste from what we were drinking, we’d pour that beer out of its can or bottle and into the right style of glassware. Cans are about convenience. You’re not lugging around a suitcase filled with the many styles of beer glasses to every bar or brewery you go to, are you? So drop the purity act.

3. Temperature Properties
His next argument is that beer warms in a can faster than in a bottle. Sure, there’s some science to back that. But cans also get colder quicker. As someone who lives excessively, I want my beer in me as fast as possible. Plus, the advent of koozies has pretty much made that argument moot. Next.