Bad Day Beer: What to Drink When the World Leaves a Bitter Taste in Your Mouth

Post-holidays, the world can seem a little bleak. It’s cold and dark, snowstorms make life hard, people cut each other off in traffic, and it seems like better days will never arrive. Now would be the time for an Annie-style song and dance number and maybe some sunny platitudes, but I’ve had just as terrible a week as the rest of you so instead I’m doubling down on the cynicism. Below is a list of bad day beers: beers with attitude, beers with bite. A beer for every shitty situation. Did I miss something? Bring it on in the comments section, pal.

Beast of Laurey’s: For when you feel like getting in a fight
We don’t recommend actually picking a fight with anyone, but channeling the spirit of strongman Jimmy “The Belgian Beast” Laureys, the inspiration for Indiana City’s Beast of Laurey’s Belgian Strong, might give you enough oomph to channel those aggressive urges constructively by signing up for a kickboxing class. As we all know, exercise releases endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don’t get in bar fights.

Hop Audit: For when TurboTax isn’t gonna cut it
You won’t mind a visit from the Taxman when you try this 7% highly drinkable belgian IPA, Hop Audit. Taxman’s belgians really shine, and this one is no exception. Don’t discount the fact that this is an IPA, though. The hops give it just enough bite to match the pinch you feel in your wallet during tax season. Disclaimer: it’s probably not the best idea to drink heavily while doing your taxes, however much you may want to.

Bitches’ Bank: For when you didn’t win PowerBall
Money troubles? 18th Street Brewery has you covered. Their 9.5% Russian Imperial Stout with cinnamon, vanilla, and cocoa nibs is just the thing to take the sting out of the financial equivalent of a garbage fire. The complexity of this beer alone is enough to take your mind off your problems, and if that doesn’t do it the high ABV will. You may not have won the lottery, but you hit the jackpot with this excellent RIS.

Blot out the Sun: For when winter is giving you the blues
Three Floyds is the perfect brewery for all your spite-filled beer needs. Their Blot out the Sun Imperial Stout boasts flavors of coffee, chocolate, and roasty malt with a bitter finish, just like an Indiana winter. At 10.4%, this is another nice heavy brew for those days when you’re stuck indoors. This January, resist the urge to start sending hate mail to the weather forecasters and grab one of these beers instead.

Dark Illusions Volume 1: For when you’re just in a terrible mood
Dark Illusions is Scarlet Lane’s new upcoming release. A “kettle sour ale of the finest malts married with a classic American Dark Ale and powered with cinnamon, coffee and cherries,” this beer promises to be dark and sour just like your twisted soul and delicious like every other offering Scarlet Lane puts out. Weighing in at 9% ABV, Dark Illusions is due to be released January 22, so don your all-black outfit and head to McCordsville before it runs out.