02 Nov Waka Waka! What Craft Beer Would The Muppets Drink?
Everyone knows who The Muppets are, and most of us grew up watching them in some capacity. We had “The Muppet Show,” “Muppet Babies,” a plethora of movies dating back to 1979, and now “The Muppets” on ABC. As we’ve grown older, so have the Muppets, just with less gray. In a recent episode of “The Muppets” the group head to a bar after taping Up Late with Miss Piggy, and I felt the bar scene was definitely a more mature version of the Muppets.
But that scene got me thinking; what beers would the Muppets drink when they hit the bar, especially if that bar was in Indiana? And so this list was created.
Miss Piggy is pretentious and she knows it. But she also very gullible. First off, Miss Piggy would never step foot in a bar; that’s beneath her on so many levels. But if she did step into the outside world with the rest of the Muppets, you know they would make sure to get one up on her. She is way too much of a diva to drink a macro brew, and most craft beers would fall below her radar. No, she needs a complex, yet sophisticated brew like Sam Adams Utopias. But you wouldn’t just happen upon that beer in a bar.
Sadly there isn’t a beer that I believe would satisfy Miss Piggy’s narcissistic personality, but there is one the rest of the group to get her to think is up to snuff: Miller High Life. That’s right, the Champagne of Beers. Champagne would be more up to par for Miss Piggy, so when the other Muppets mention Miller High Life’s campaign name, she would have to have it. And she would spend the night drinking “high class” beer.
The King of the Muppets! Ok, so that’s not his official title but it might as well be. Kermit is the flagship Muppet, one that cannot be replaced. And even though he is the face of the Muppets, he still keeps himself grounded and humble and doesn’t act like he’s better than any of his fellow Muppets.
Kermit’s going to be drinking what everyone else is drinking, nothing too fancy. And that beer is Three Floyds Alpha King. Three Floyds is one of the best craft breweries in Indiana, but it’s also in the conversation when you are talking best craft breweries in America. Alpha King is their flagship beer, so it’s easy to find and most people enjoy it immensely. It’s an every man’s beer, but with a hint of higher class just like Kermit. A flagship beer for the flagship Muppet.
Comedians and drinking go hand-in-hand, or at least they always seem to. Fozzie is a stand-up comedian whose job it is to warm up the crowd before the show begins. It’s a thankless job, but Fozzie loves comedy. Not only does Fozzie embody a comedic charm, but his also has a soulful, old schoool-ness about him – especially with his sweet classic Studebaker car.
When I think of what Fozzie would be drinking, I think a lot about who Fozzie is: a bear. And bears live in woods, which immediately makes me think of IPAs. Their earthy flavor feels like something that would make Fozzie feel at home. And nothing personifies soulfulness and IPA like Fountain Square Brewery’s Soul Ride IPA.
Gonzo is one of the easiest to predict his go-to brew of choice. He’s a death-defying daredevil, taking as much pain and humiliation needed to make the crowd laugh. Being shot out of a canon, wrestling a brick, or eating a tire is a hard job, but it’s just another day at the office for Gonzo the Great.
If Gonzo stepped in an Indiana bar his choice would be immediate: Daredevil Brewing Lift Off IPA. Once the Daredevil helmet on the tap handle catches his eye, there’s no turning back. A daredevil will always respect the work of another daredevil.
Rowlf loves two things: playing piano and classical music. He’s also very calm in the chaos that is the Muppets show. As the oldest Muppet, Rowlf has seen everything there is to see and has been a part of the all of the ups and downs. But how has he stayed sane and calm all these years? Simple: Sobriety!
If you have one Muppet to pick as the designated driver, you would likely think Rowlf. Yet he’s still heading to the bar with his friends and he’s got to quench his thirst. Thankfully for him, Flat12 has him covered with their Flat12 Paws Dog Beer. It’s a non-alcoholic brew that he’d be able to get straight from the tap, either in a glass or in a bowl. And if he took the bowl option, he could always jam out on the piano – if they are perhaps at Howl at the Moon.
Statler and Waldorf
Hecklers, critics, grumpy old men; call Statler and Waldorf whatever you’d like, but they are a mainstay in the Muppet universe. They either sit in their balcony or in the front row of the studio audience and always have some sort of rude, yet funny comment to make towards the skits.
That mockery wouldn’t just end when the show was over. Once they got to the bar their endless taunting would continue, this time aimed at the beer choices of their fellow companions. Being the elder statesmen of the group, their beer of choice would fall with either Coors or Budweiser and they would not find the “hipster” beer the rest of the Muppets were drinking as anything but a novelty.
Animal personifies Rock n’ Roll to a T. His crazy hair, chains, and amazing drum skills are one-of-a-kind. And we all know beer is not Rock n’ Roll. No, that distinction still lies with Jack Daniels, and Animal would have a bottle to himself. He’d also keep money in the jukebox and Rush’s “Tom Sawyer” on repeat all night.
There are plenty of Muppets are didn’t get to whom would likely be at the bar. So I want to know what beers you think the other Muppets would be drinking. Let us know in the comments below!
You can follow Mathew on Twitter at @MMuncy